smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My friends, they love my intelligence
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
home. puking in laundry basket.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
