There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
