It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
