remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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