Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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