If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
