dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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