I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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