Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
