Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
