i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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