I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
