i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
