a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize