I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
