My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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