So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize