Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
