I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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