Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
