I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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