conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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