You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
