so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
