Need sex. Gaining weight.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
