I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm always down for nudity.
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