Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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