Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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