Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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