Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
