i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
