wrigley field is MILF paradise
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
