it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
