I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
