Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize