I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
