hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
