OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
