If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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