Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
