yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
