Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
