I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize