marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
