From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
