broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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