You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
