It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
