You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
