That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
