I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
