Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
