just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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