We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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