she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
