I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
