shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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