video games are the ultimate cock blocker
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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