How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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