I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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