can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
