if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
