I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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