tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
