I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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