Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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