haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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