rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
