I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
