Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
