we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
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