And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
