she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
