Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
