i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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