Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
