just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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