Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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