yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
