i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
