Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
