So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
