too bad you live with your parents still
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
