I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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