It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
