She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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