no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I need a burrito and a hug.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize