you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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