He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
