Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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