my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
