This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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