Slut skills are useful in every country.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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