I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We need a shit load of segways right now
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
