He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
no you cant smoke seaweed
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize