it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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