he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
