why didn't you poke me back
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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