I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
