I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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