He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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