I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize